Breaking Free: My Journey to a Healthy Life

At 42, my perspective has finally shifted in a way that I believe is life-changing. For years, I chased quick fixes—trying to change my body just enough to feel comfortable for the summer. But my struggles with body image go so much deeper than that.

Growing up, people constantly commented on my looks and my body. Over time, their words became part of my identity. When I had my two children, my body changed drastically, and I felt like less of myself. The thoughts that I wasn’t enough took root. For the past six years, I’ve had an image of myself that was completely unrealistic, leaving me discouraged and feeling like a failure. But then, I turned 40.

I started to accept that this is my life now—more aches, more pains, more signs of aging. Just in the past eight months, I was diagnosed with tennis elbow and SI joint issues. My body takes forever to heal from injuries. The reality is, I am getting older. My body won’t go back to the way it used to be—my version of thin.  And for so long, thin was all that mattered to me.

I was tired of how I looked, but even more than that, I was exhausted from how I felt. I realized I was more motivated by being thin than being truly healthy. I started counting calories and lost weight, but my body was different than before kids—it wouldn’t just bounce back. Calorie counting became an obsession. Logging every bite, tracking every workout—it consumed me. I even paid for the calorie-tracking app in full, thinking this was my life now. And the scale? That number had power over me. But the truth is, I am not meant to live in bondage to numbers.

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” – John 8:36

I always told myself I was either all in or all out. That mindset shaped my habits—binging from October through January, and again through the summer. I stopped workouts, eat whatever I wanted. Then, I’d tell myself, Monday I’ll start fresh. Monday would come, I’d be “all in” for a while, then I’d fail by Wednesday. The cycle repeated until eventually, one Monday, something would click. I call it “the switch flipping.” I’d go hard for two to three months, just enough to feel okay in a swimsuit for the summer, but never truly happy with myself.

The truth is, I let my weight and the way food made me feel rule my life.  I feared gaining more weight because of the health risks. I feared losing the ability to do things I love—sledding, pickleball, workout classes. The day will come when I physically won’t be able to do these things, but until then, I am grateful I still can even if my body has aches and pains. 

Another confession—I feel shame when I eat what I’m not “supposed to.” I was recently told I have high cholesterol. Now, more than ever, I need to be mindful of my health. When I slip back into old eating habits, I feel like I’m doing something wrong. But over the past six weeks, something incredible has happened—the switch has flipped again, but this time, it’s different. Putting God first has shifted my entire mindset.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” – 2 Corinthians 5:17

My life in Christ teaches me moderation. As long as I stay in Him and ask for help, I can maintain balance. I still enjoy junk food like most people, but instead of eating it all, I allow myself a serving. Not a serving of everything in the house or at the party, but a favorite for the day. Tomorrow, I can enjoy something else. And that scale? I only allow myself to weigh in once a month. These boundaries have freed me. No more calorie-counting apps. No more daily weigh-ins. Just mindful, balanced living.

I share this because I know I’m not alone. We all have battles. Our stories may be different, but the struggles are real.

On the days I slip—whether it’s extra junk food, a second portion, or an extra weigh-in—I remind myself that my heart’s desire is to honor God with my body, and I am forgiven.

“And he said to her, ‘Your sins are forgiven.’  ‘Your faith has saved you; go in peace.’” – Luke 7:48 & 50

This is my journey, my transformation—to be active and healthy in Jesus’ name. With God’s strength, I can do this.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13